Letting Go in 2011

It’s not even the end of November and I’ve already made my major New Years Resolution. Latley I’ve been thinking about how many times N and I say to eachother “don’t forget I / we have to go to XYZ event tonight” when we would actually spend time quietly with eachother. It has occurred to me lately that we don’t HAVE to do anything. So new rule in 2011: If it’s not job related and not fun, I’m not doing it. It’s really very simple and I feel some free just accepting this concept.

Lately I have been feeling very run down and haven’t spent many quiet nights at home. In general I’m not a fan of paying a mortgage on a house I hardly see. So no more dragging myself to after work events I feel too tired to attend, no helping out at events that don’t interest me . . . and here’s the biggie: No more socializing with people I just don’t really feel like being around. Result is, I’ll probably spend less time out and about and more time at home with my dog and the wonderful N; but when I am out and about and engage people in conversation, they can be assured that I truly want to be there and am happy to hold a conversation. The packed holiday season has made me realize that I seriously need to slash my level of involvement. Right now, I am in 10 different social organizations / groups . . . it’s just too much! Come 2011 as my memberships expire I’ll be a little more choosey about the organizations I rejoin.

Level of General Fun 0 1 2 3 4 5
Does this make me a better person 0 1 2 3 4 5
Benefits from this organization 0 1 2 3 4 5
Level of friendship with Members 0 1 2 3 4 5
Time Commitment 0 -1 -2 -3 -4 -5
Level of Responsibility 0 -1 -2 -3 -4 -5
How often to I feel obligated to go 0 -1 -2 -3 -4 -5
Level of member Drama 0 -1 -2 -3 -4 -5

Because I am a highly analytical person, I developed the chart about to help me examine what I am getting out of groups. There are negative and positive aspects of all groups so I’m only interested in staying in groups where the positives outweigh the negatives. My wine club scored a 8 . . . it stays, a community organization I am in received a -1 . . . they will not be receiving my membership renewal next year. Overall, I wasn’t shocked about the results my groups received, but it really did make me think how I’m really not getting anything out of some organizations. Obviously, there was time when I did or else I wouldn’t have joined. As my priorities have changed with my life focus and responsibilities I realize that I am looking for different things out of organizations than when I first joined. I’ve spent the past couple of months feeling guilty about this; but really it’s ok. I’ve grown up a lot the past years post college, it’s only natural my social needs would have changed.

UPDATE: Last night I told N about my new system. We judged our relationship, it recieved a 10 so naturally we stay. Wiffle Ball however recieved a 15 . . . apparently I am not as awesome as Wiffle.